THE PMS Monster
So, yes, every month this evil monster lurches out of the dark, a horrible monster with giant fangs and a grisly, loathsome roar that can strike fear in the hearts of anyone whom crosses it’s path. This terrifying creature is called the PMS Monster.
No matter whether you are a man, woman or child, you have come across this monster, or the dreaded the catastrophic wrath of a woman experiencing PMS.
For all of those who have fallen victim to the PMS monster, remember, just like a werewolf on a full moon, it is temporary. You can’t say you didn’t root on Michael J. Fox’s transformation into a hairy, scary monster basketball player, nor can you say you didn’t empathize with Fiona when she changed from gorgeous princess into the puke-green Ogre in Shrek, so why can’t the world be more on your side during this exasperating time.
Somehow each month due to hormone fluctuations, you transform from beautiful, confident woman into a drooling, growling zombie and even though the changes in your body are ten times harder on you then it is on him, he believes that you have only devised PMS as an evil plot just to make him miserable.
By Diana Zourelias
You just want to say “Yes, I made my body have go completely haywire, just so I could destroy your life.” And as you concentrate all your efforts on trying fight your bodies plunge into a weeks worth of exhaustion, irritability, memory lapses and of course the ever delightful “fat feeling” you get from retaining water, you suddenly realize that he is morphing into a PMS monster himself, but how could that be?
What you are experiencing is the latest in PMS Phonomenons, MALE-PMS. MALE-PMS stands for Male Aggravated Lapse of Empathy Pre-Menstural Syndrome. This medically “un-recognized” phenomenon is when you begin to PMS and you notice his mood and personality begins to change. He starts to act aggravated with the littlest things, he gets moody, he gets irritable because he can’t understand why you are frustrated and argumentative, so he in turn becomes a PMS Monster himself, and it’s all you can do not to fly into a rage screaming “you even had to take my PMS, didn’t you!”
We have all been there and you are not alone. Many males have MALE-PMS, but since this syndrome has never actually been researched or called a real illness in any medical periodical it is often misdiagnosed. Men instead are often mis-diagnosed as having the conditions of jerks or assholes instead. If you believe like I do, maybe we can make that all change change. MALE-PMS is real (well not-medically speaking) but it really could be and it could be treatable.
In some actual legitimate medical mumbo-jumbo, I bring you Couvade Syndrome. Couvade syndrome is when a male experiences pregnancy-like symptoms when his partner is expecting.
According to the Mayo Clinic, Couvade Syndrome includes physical symptoms and psychological symptoms, which correlate to their partner’s hormonal changes.
• “Physical symptoms. These symptoms might include nausea, heartburn, abdominal pain, bloating, appetite changes, respiratory problems, toothaches, leg cramps, backaches, and urinary or genital irritations.”
• “Psychological symptoms. These symptoms might include changes in sleeping patterns, anxiety, depression, reduced libido and restlessness.”
|Not Couvade Syndrome, but still quite relevant- Picture Source- people.com|
MALE-PMS must be stopped before it gets any worse! I am not a doctor, but I am in complete belief that MALE-PMS is an illness affecting millions of men and it should be researched further. With a little effort by doctors and researchers, I have the belief that we can relieve men of this syndrome, so we can at least have a week where you will be the one and only monster in the household. Perhaps, maybe, just maybe, doctors will try to put men on hormone regulating birth-control pills (again) to regulate “their” cycles and you can throw your hands up and release all of those little sugar pills into the air!
Now, I’m sure this research will take years of testing before they are actually able to treat it, you know with testing and whatnot, so you will have to both deal with your rather monstrous situation for awhile. Keep in mind that men are usually oblivious to emotional cues and signs, so unless you have a red signal that lights up at the beginning of PMS, try to give him a gentle forewarning, so he can prepare himself for battle.
Perhaps, an addictive PMS Monster Smart Phone game could be created which men could play to learn how to deal with the PMS Monster. The only way to win is to feed the monster delicious treats, jewelry and massage coupons until she turns back into a gorgeous woman again while he tries to avoid those pesky irritability bubbles, but of course, just like PMS, the next level is even harder!